“Why do you go away? So that you can come back. So that you can see the place you came from with new eyes and extra colors. And the people there see you differently, too. Coming back to where you started is not the same as never leaving.” ~Terry Pratchett
I try to tell Step-daughter: leaving isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. She’ll be a senior this year, and although I don’t think she plans to go away to college, I know it is nevertheless her intention to get as far away from Illinois as possible after she graduates. I think she believes–as I once did–that happiness isn’t possible here, that there’s nothing so boring and ugly as the prairie, and that there have to be better, nicer, and smarter people in bigger cities elsewhere in the country. Continue reading “This road I’m walkin’ on from time to time always leads me home.”→
“Normality is a paved road: it’s comfortable to walk but no flowers grow.” ~Vincent van Gogh
There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you. ~Maya Angelou
Back in the day, I had lots of drama to share with my five or so regular readers. It was young person drama to be sure, but I felt like it was my duty to provide it and to entertain those who’d come to be entertained. Granted, I was performing my show for a very small audience, but they were women of uncommon smarts and valor, and I could rely on them to be with me through thick and thin, and to always be ready with a listening ear and an occasional piece of terrific and hard-won wisdom. Continue reading “On drama, solipsism, kindness, and ridiculous dreams”→
It’s been 40 days and 40 nights since I smoked a cigarette. I needed to tell you that because it’s something I’m pretty proud of, and I’m trying to practice positive reinforcement with myself. Also, there are other willpower-requiring things I’d like to do now that I’m no longer enslaved by nicotine and unable to draw a clean breath. I’d like to give the whole plant-based eating thing another shot, and I’d like to start walking a few days a week. I’m not going to make any resolutions, but I am going to start doing better. It is, after all, that time of year. It’s also about six months until mandatory swimsuit time, and this year I’d like to not scare people.
On Thanksgiving, my grandma died. I didn’t know about it when it happened; in fact, I didn’t know until the Monday following her death (when I read the horribly written, largely not factual, and damn near laughable obituary) that she had actually died on Thursday and not Friday. Continue reading “Movie star beautiful”→
Until a few days ago, I hadn’t seen or talked to you since I was a teenager.
Back then, I think, I needed you. You were what I needed when I needed it, and you were in a position that let you be there to chat whenever I sought you out. I don’t remember you saying much or even offering much in the way of advice, but you must have been a good listener or I wouldn’t have felt so comfortable chatting you up and confiding my junior-high-aged problems. Continue reading “Dear BJ”→
I’ve said this before: back in the day, I had a lot to say. In the first five years I kept an online journal, I think I used a writing prompt one time. Everything else was just me, chatting away at the interwebs like it was my dear old dead Aunt Gini–just there to listen silently and wish me nothing but the best. Continue reading “~Anon”→
These books are my favorites. They changed who I was or what I thought was beautiful. They gave me insights and things to write on my bathroom mirror. They made me think or ask questions about things I’d never before been curious about. They made me laugh and/or distracted me when I most needed a diversion. Read them if you get the chance. And for the love of god, if you’re judging me on the contents of this list, don’t tell me.